A Review: the Look Better Naked 2-Day Cleanse Detox

My body felt like a lava lamp. Okay, I'll explain that. Living the NYC dream is an emotional roller coaster, and with that ride comes emotional eating. And emotional eating in Manhattan means authentic pizza, $7 pints of Ben & Jerry, croissants the size of your face, microbrews, and cocktails. Oh, the cocktails. So after a particularly tough week on said roller coaster, I stepped off to feel not nauseous, but puffy. My body had taken on an extra layer and I know this makes no grammatical sense but my body felt like shapes. Like never-solidifying shapes in a lava lamp.

I decided to try a short, healthy, detox. (Not like that cayenne-maple-syrup-Beyonce deal.) I went to my favorite trusted source for women's health & fitness info, Women's Health Magazine, and came across the Look Better Naked 2-day Cleanse, by Michele Promaulayko.

"A simple meal plan that will hit your body's reset button! ...You'll feel healthy, drop some water weight and we promise, you won't feel deprived or hungry!"

Ooh! Well, don't mind if I do! What could be wrong with the images of a tighty-whitey clad skinny woman and a huge fresh cut lime staring back at me?



I'll tell you what's wrong: This is not an appropriate detox for an active, on-the-go NY woman! Michele, you promised I wouldn't feel deprived or hungry. You pppprrrrommmissseed! (yelled in a rage-filled yet super tired voice.) And by the way? There are NO limes called for on this 48 hour detox. No lemons, either.

I think it's understood that you shouldn't be running marathons while on a detox, but nowhere does it advise you to cut activities out of your average day because this is an under a thousand calorie per day detox.

In short, my 2-day cleanse turned into a 1 day cleanse.. I went to bed and woke up completely famished after day 1. Nowhere on the cleanse webpage did it say what to do if you were hungry. Nowhere did it say to plan your day around a low-calorie detox. A magazine like Women's Health should understand that their readers are a highly ambitious, extremely active bunch-- let us know to cool down our perfection-driven psyches and calm down for the 2 days!

"It's important to eat exactly what's listed on both days of the cleanse-- but note that there's more variety here than meets the eye in terms of which foods you choose to eat and how you prepare them."

What variety, Michelle? Finding 'more variety here than meets the eye' and figuring out new ways to prepare foods makes me feel like I've signed up for a Gordon Ramsey show. And I don't cook. I think it's safe to say that most of the Women's Health readership isn't exactly Master Chef material. Regardless, I'm pretty sure there's no creativity in the world that would have made me find those 10 blanched asparagus spears appetizing.

All in all I give this detox plan a 5 out of 10. The points off being for not catering to the Women's Health demographic & misleading claims. (And no, I didn't take off any points for the inevitable detox farts.) Would I try it again? Maybe, if I could keep myself in an air-conditioned portal with on demand tv and no interactions with the outside world.

xoxo,